Cruel Fictions

New York March 13 2003—U. N. Inspector Hans Blix announced the destruction of Iraq's 42nd Al-Soumoud missile today. This he said is good news it is the meaning of disarmament. Hans further reported that although much has been accomplished the inspections have been going more slowly than he would like. He attributes this to the poor quality of western intelligence. Many leads provided by the Americans have led nowhere some even seem to have been fabricated, with that in mind the U.N. beginning today will adopt the Dirk Gently method of detection. Dirk Gently, perhaps the best known detective in the world has theorized that everything in the universe is interconnected. Applying that theory U. N. Inspectors will be stationed all over Iraq and instructed to randomly pick individuals to follow. If the theory is correct they will eventually find any Weapons of Mass Destruction that exist. "Dirk's methods have never failed in the past, said Hans." "We are confident they will succeed this time." Americans pooh-poohed the announcement. "Thinking Dirk Gently's methods can solve these problems is a cruel fiction," said Donald Rumsfeld. " Last time Gently's methods were employed all that happened was that a cat died.